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The other day my attention was turned to the subject of cheating and it was

getting heat. What lit the match was the suggestion that men “cheat down”

(with less attractive women) and women “cheat up” (with men who make

more money and more moves than their current boyfriend or husband).

Interesting.

As a married man for the past 11 years, I thought for a moment that perhaps

I should just walk around this bed of hot coals. After all, I wouldn’t want

someone in my household to “misunderstand” my casual observations on the

subject and turn them into a self-incriminating indictment. But as you can

see, I defied the wifestyle and decided to do the barefoot fire walk over the

hot coals anyway. I do suggest that my married male readers live vicariously

through me and not get baited into this conversation with your wife. I’ll take

this one for the team.

On with it. The idea that men cheat down and women cheat up seemed too

easy. I certainly recognize where the suggestion comes from — married

women. And it rings with a smidgen of truth. But to believe it’s that simple is

like pretending you’re sitting in a remedial basic math class when you’re

actually sitting in AP calculus. It’s complicated.

That said, most women who cheat probably do seek an upgrade, but there are

plenty of exceptions. When cougars (and pumas) attack, for example, all bets

are off. Men, on the other hand, are way more unpredictable. Let’s keep in

mind that plenty of men don’t cheat. But for those who do, certainly, a lot of

them indeed cheat down. However, others cheat up, cheat across, cheat

diagonal, cheat standing still. They cheat. Connect Four. Name the game.

Cheating men play it. Show me a room full of cheating men and I’ll show you a

chess board; different players moving different ways, some with more

latitude than others.

Look, I understand the attraction to a good one-liner like men cheat down

and women cheat up. It’s easy. It’s kind of funny. It makes for good gab. But

this idea that a man is simply looking for a jump-off to back that ... up while a

woman is on a mission for a man who can pack that ... up and fly her to

exotic locales is exaggerated. When it comes to cheating, men and women are

more similar than they are different. Where the contrast lies is how the two

genders are viewed by society. Men who cheat are seen as the next

contestant on Maury Povich, while women who cheat usually get the “sit

down and let’s talk about it” Oprah treatment. Cheating is cheating, whether

you’re going up, going down, going in or going to Cabo. It is what it is.
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